No is a powerful word. It’s an important word. It’s also (at least for me) one of the toughest words to say. I could chalk it up to my upbringing, being the child of a pastor, where saying no wasn’t really an option. Everyone was important and valued, especially in a time of need. I could chalk it up to my experience at a private Christian college (which I loved and value greatly) where the idea of ministry and servant leadership was drummed into my head. And serving others brought the inference of saying no. Or ultimately, as one who loves educating and helping people when it comes to music, I have the hardest time saying no.
Not saying no has opened lots of doors for me. Whether that’s opportunities to accompany, opportunities to lead, or even getting to sing at Carnegie Hall! But, what’s the tradeoff? Is there a tradeoff? For a while, I taught a pair of twin high school piano students from 6:30-8 in the morning on Wednesdays. Why? Because that’s what fit their schedule. Needless to say, my wife understood, especially in the need for income, but wasn’t happy with it. I finally did say no to that!
And yet, when opportunities arise, saying yes can bring about unexpected and pleasant surprises. I was asked back in September by an on the ball orchestra director, a friend of mine, to accompany her 6th grade string players last night. Super easy Suzuki accompaniments. Not a problem! But the yes meant that I had to adjust my Tuesday night teaching schedule, to make a busy Wednesday a bit busier. And yet, after one cello player finished her solo (I had only rehearsed with her once, instead of twice), she looked over at me and told me she had something for me. She wrote me a note by hand telling me how thankful she was for my accompanying her, and how thankful she was that I noticed her nervousness when we rehearsed and how I encouraged her and helped her with that. Had I said no, I wouldn’t have gotten that feedback!
Now yes, saying no can be a necessary thing. Taking care of yourself and giving yourself down time is important. So you do have to weigh what saying yes to something means. It will mean that you’ll have to say no to other people or other things. As an example, I originally had committed to accompanying our local Region Choir performance which was supposed to be Saturday. However, due to cold weather the weekend of the audition, the audition was rescheduled to this Saturday instead, and the performance was rescheduled to another Saturday when I had made another previous commitment. And so, I was planning on cleaning up my yard this Saturday from all the dead plants in my flowerbeds, when I was asked to judge the Region Choir auditions which are now this Saturday. I said yes. Why? Because I knew that I’ll have more time next week to work on those projects as our local school district has “winter break”.
It’s ultimately about prioritizing what is most important and when opportunities come, say yes to those things that meet those priorities. And that will help keep you busy, but hopefully less frustrated. But the problem is, saying no has consequences. But it’s all up to you and how you want to balance your time and commitments. But you can say no!